Monthly Archives: April 2012

Regrets…I have a few (ok, maybe more than a few)

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We have all done things in our lives that we rethink or look back and think, “gee, I could’ve” or “hmmmm, maybe i should’ve…”

The fact is as we get older we think of things we could’ve or should’ve done differently or better.  And usually we can forgive ourselves, change and move on.  But sometimes, there are those things that just fly up out of nowhere into our memories.  We dwell on them.  We again rethink them …..for the hundredth or thousandth time.  They just seem to haunt us….over and over.

So this time, I’m gonna just put it out there.  And hopefully this will quell this memory to stay where it belongs, a regret that I cannot change and that I truly wish I could make right….even after 33 years.

Back in high school, I met another student who I considered a friend.  I had taken choir (oh why did I do that!….like I could sing!)  But I loved the class–it was one of the few that had members from every class, freshmen to seniors.  It had the smart kids, the singers, athletes, and those just needing a class without homework. 

This student, Theresa, was in this class, and like me, an alto.  She had a strong sense of tone and I always seemed to be flat unless she was in my left ear.  So we made a deal that she’d always sit on my left side.  She also convinced me to join the smaller choir group that was limited to only about 15 students.  It was not a class, was not extra credit, just an extracurricular group that went to nursing homes during special seasons and competitions as a group. 

Theresa was a year ahead of me and was also in the ‘theatre’ group.  She was a performer, I was usually on the tech crew or box office.  And I admired her.  I came from what was (and is) considered a big family of 4 girls.  She came from a family of, I think, 7 kids. 

One cold November day, I saw Theresa coming out of one of the buildings as I was going in.  She had on a greenish coat with a fur collar.  It was a beautiful coat…and I truly liked it.  And I told her so.

She mistook my genuine comment as a cutting remark as she responded with, “It’s my mother’s coat! And I can’t believe you of all people would say something like that!” And something about money being tight.  I didn’t know their family had problems until that moment…and it didn’t matter.  I really liked that coat.  It was green…something different!  And I like things that are a little different. 

I tried to go after her, but she turned and told me not to follow her.  For the rest of the year, she avoided me.  She graduated and moved on with her life.  And to this day I still try to find her online–on the high school site, on Facebook (isn’t everyone there????), on MySpace, and just Google-ing her.  Because to this day is pains me that this was not settled all those years ago. 

It was not a put down….it was an honest comment.  And she looked good in that coat.  And yes, I know, it was just a coat.  And I have come up with hundreds of reasons of why ideas for her misunderstanding.  But none of that matters.  What matters is, I lost a friend.  Someone I valued and enjoyed being around.

I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school.  I was pretty much a loner, not always by choice.  I was in the Drama Club, I was in Girls Athletic Association, I was the manager of the basketball team and the Volleyball team (lettering in both!). I was in the Christian Life Community–going to Chronic Hospital once a month to entertain and to be part of a Mass for the residents.  I was part of organizations that fed into my interests, my beliefs, and who rounded out my persona.  And yet, I had no 1 group of friends or even 1 close friend.  But I had many that I enjoyed being with and participated in many activities with them.

So if anyone knows Theresa—or someone like her—let them know that they are still thought of. 

And of course, there are other regrets.  Such as, should i have tried to dated sooner?  Should I have tried harder to be whatever the men were looking for back then?  Should I have stayed in Florida when I left my job there or should I have gone home to Missouri like I did? 

OH the ‘what-if’s of life!  Was I right to move to where I am and buy a house?  Or should I have looked harder for a house to rent?

And now I am 50…and I say, right or wrong, good or bad….my life is my life.  I have a wonderful man in my life.  I have a wonderful house that is becoming a home….just need to get out of rent mode and start hanging pictures!  I have 3 dogs that love me and who make me laugh. 

And Theresa…if you read this….please know that I would never have ever intentionally hurt you emotionally like that.  I really did like that coat.  My mother had one like it in boring beige. 

A little of this….a dash of that…..

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There is so much going on these days….in the world, in the country and in my life.

I have nieces and nephews graduating from high school and college…and I am so proud of them for their achievements and hope  all the best for them as they go onto the next journey in their lives

And then we have the Democrats and Republicans heating up to do battle over the next 5 months for votes.  They are arguing and misconstruing thoughts and ideas, realities and perceptions.

The funniest one to me so far is the argument about which is more for women than the other.  The Democrats say that the Republicans want to keep us girls in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant is my guess.  And yet the Democrats don’t want to pay women equal pay for equal work.   Ironically—I would love to stay home and take care of things while my husband worked.  Oh wait….sighs.  I’m not married.  So pay me what I am worth, not 18-25% less.

And then we have earthquakes, tremors, and tornadoes all over.  It is more than apparent that the Bible’s Book of Revelation is being expressed in nature.  The earth is as a woman in labor….the pangs coming faster and more frequent.

Then I read a truth in a cartoon—-waterboardiing is illegal and bad bad bad, but killing unborn children is quite alright.  We have gotten our priorities way out of whack!!   I sometimes wonder if those that laugh at God now will laugh on Judgement Day.

The biggy idea I heard this week…..Obama Care is not a right.  A right is something that does not burden another.  And yet Obama Care forces doctors, hospitals and other healthcare professionals to treat people for a set fee.  That is not a right, that is a service that is given to another, regulated by people who do not know the patient, can’t see the patient, but decides who will get what medicines, what tests, and what treatments.   It is not right.  It is not fair.  It is a travesty of our healthcare system.

And who is to say what is fair?  I don’t think it’s fair that our President and/or his family takes more vacations than those that work for a living day in and day out to support this country.  I don’t think it’s fair that while bad-mouthing those that built their fortunes are being demonized by the same idiots that are giving CEO’s of bankrupt companies millions of our taxpayer dollars in bonuses .

And is it fair that our taxpayer dollars are being given away to company after company for services and products that very few can afford and fewer want?

I am tired of a President that allows his Muslim brothers to run our country’s foreign policies.  He stated in his books that he would always stand by his Muslim brothers.  He also expressed his contempt for his white mother.  And his actions and policies here at home and abroad have proved that over and over.  But we can’t call him a racist….because only whites can be racist.

Anyhow….I just wanted to express a few thoughts and ideas that are in my world.

Have a great day!  and God bless our troops!!

 

Easter–

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Easter…..

The day we celebrate the Risen Messiah…the Light of the World who died on a wooden cross and who was raised up on the third day.

It is celebrated in the midst of springtime…when the earth is renewing itself once again.  All that had died or hibernated comes to life and the earth is covered in greens and pinks, yellows and purples.

The day is celebrated with friends and family, and with food and fun.  After 6 weeks of reflection and prayer, Christians emerge

to celebrate the miraculous.

And in a way, it is a time that we–those who believe in the Christ, the Risen Lord, renew ourselves.  In many ways, it’s like New Year’s–we have changed.  We have been renewed.  We have been forgiven.  We have been reborn into the heart of God.

We profess our faith…that we believe in the one Lord, the one God.  We profess our belief in the Resurrection.   We thank the Lord for making us joint heirs with his Son to the Kingdom of Heaven.

I wish you all a very happy and blessed Easter.  May the blood of Christ wash away all your sins

and make you white as snow without blemish.