The Explosion….


it took me a while to deal with Bill dumping me like yesterday’s trash because I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life….and he wasn’t ready.

Life went on and all was well for quite a while, until he met a new girlfriend in Oklahoma and used my credit to go see her.

And then over the last few weeks I found out that he was playing with a new girl here in town. Eh, his life. I won’t touch him again after all of the trash he’s sleeping with but at least he was still paying me to stay here.

Last week he had a big blow up because he decided he didn’t owe the money on the car loan we had taken out together. he also decided that he needed to tell me what to do with the money he was giving me to stay in the house.

so i re-iterated what i had told him 2 months ago, you can pay and stay or you can leave.

Friday came and he told me he was not paying me. he then began to yell and scream and demand what he considered his. he decided that he would just start taking things apart while yelling and screaming.

it was like he was daring me and wanting me to call the police to have him removed. and i did. they told him he had to leave.

now i have all his crap to get rid of or put aside for him to pick up with the police. i am heartbroken. i am hurting. and i am alone.

maybe now i can start healing. i barely slept last night. i’m writing this out of a need for catharsis. i just need….___________…..

talked to mom and she was reminding me of God’s love and direction. And i know i NEED him. i am hurting. he was my best friend. my confidant. and even now i want to call him.

the house is empty without him. and gunther (my baby boy—of the furry four-legged kind) misses his friend, katana….who was taken by her daddy. i just hope he feeds her and takes care of her. he hasn’t yet in almost 4 years, so i hope he does now. gun is lonely. i’m lonely.

just say a little prayer that i find my way. and that if i have to file bankruptcy…that i come out of it still standing


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