Category Archives: Thoughts/Ideas

And so—-


For the last 3 years I have enjoyed a wonderful man. We’ve laughed and cried, argued and loved, given and taken, gone through sickness and health. And then on May 10th, he informed me that I should move on, find someone who would marry me and be the man of my dreams because it wasn’t going to be him.

Needless to say, my heart is broken. I’m lost. I thought I had found “the One”….but I think back and realize there were so many signs. I remember sitting on the couch and telling him I knew I wasn’t his true love and never would be.
in my guest bedroom. We haven’t told anyone. We still do things together, like shopping and such. He is sudde
And so now I feel like the fool. I’m letting him continue to live here, nly doing things I asked him to do long ago.

And now I’m 52 and once again alone. Rebuilding. Trying to figure out who I am once again.

Or maybe I just need to be alone.

3 years….1 co-owned car since he rather destroyed mine. 5 bank accounts shared with him. Credit cards. All of these things need to be untangled. Settled. Divided.

I’m not happy…but of course he is. He has already moved on. And I’m sure he had started long before he told me. Was it really wrong of me to tell him he had 3 weeks (his 3 year anniversary of being here–with me) to decide marriage or leave?

As the song says—if you don’t know me by now, you will never ever know me…..

So now what? I have my master bedroom back. I have my dogs to keep me company—oh yes, and the one he adopted. Somehow that poor thing doesn’t get taken care of by him. But then again, I’m still taking him to work–mainly because I need him working to pay his share of the bills. And I wake him up. Maybe I’m just a mom type to him.

Oh well….that’s essentially the latest in my sorry life. I’m just better off alone I think. It was fun while it lasted.


Catholics and Obama


I cannot understand how those who profess Catholicism can vote for a man who supports abortions, demands abortions, and forces other Catholics to supply abortions.

I cannot understand how those who profess to be pro-Life can support a man who wants to do anything other than preserve life.

I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, educated Catholic…and yet no longer profess Catholicism as my religion.  But I still agree with many of the things I learned—but then again those are the same things that fall under 10 simple Commandments.  Not suggestions.  Not good ideas.  Commands.  And one of those is “do not murder”.

The Bible declares frequently that God knew us before we were born; that God formed us in the womb; that put the muscle and sinew that formed our bones and body.  God does not make mistakes.  You might not agree with his decisions, but He does not make mistakes.

And so I was shocked and appalled that many of my extended family members are voting the Democrat, Barrack Hussein Obama, simply because of their Union’s decision to support him.

I am told I’m racist because I didn’t vote for him, won’t vote him and hope he goes home to Kenya.  I vote issues.  I am against his foreign policy.  I am against his domestic policy.  I am against his Executive orders.  I am against his idea of healthcare.  I am against his ideas of ‘redistribution of wealth’.  I am against him on almost any issue he speaks about.

Personally I think anyone who votes for him solely because he is black (….actually mulatto!) is racist.  Or maybe they are voting for the phones and welfare packages he wants to expand.

And no one seems to understand the freedoms they are going to lose after the election.  He already has instituted laws through Executive Orders to take over every aspect of American lives, from the Internet to electricity, phones, gas, water, housing, and anything else he wants control of.  Americans are being arrested for speaking against him now, imagine what it will be like in a 2nd term.

And I’d bet that I’ll be on a black list somewhere for using my freedom of speech here in this blog.
Do not assume that I am voting for Romney because I agree with all of his ideas.  It is more like he has the best chance of all other parties running for President to beat Obama.  And I think he has a better grasp of how to help America remain free and secure.

And it is because of family members like mine, who claim Catholicism and yet vote against very basic moral issues the Church supports, that made me decide to leave the Catholic Church.  I have a Christian faith, not a religion.  I have my own set of morals.  And I have a God that will judge me on the great Judgement Day.

Until then….I will not vote for Obama.  Nor Biden.


Here is a little video I found that gives 5 more reasons why I won’t……


Red Kettles and Bell Ringers


Red Kettles & Bell Ringers

As you open your pocketbooks for the next natural disaster, please keep these facts in mind: The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans’ salary for the year was $951,957 plus expenses.

The  United Way  President Brian Gallagher receives a $675,000 base salary alongwith numerous expense benefits.

UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,900,000 per year (158K) per month, plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE. Less than 5 cents (4.4 cents) per donated dollar goes to the cause.

The Salvation Army’s Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.

The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

· The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

· The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.  Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

· The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.  Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

· The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.  Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

No further comment is necessary.

Please share this with everyone you can.

Privacy? In Today’s World??



Privacy…can we expect it anymore?

We have always heard of privacy and confidentiality between people and lawyers, doctors, priests, and psychologists.   We expect privacy from these people….and I guess I was naive and stupid enough to believe that other officials also had to respect confidentiality and privacy.  But today, I was wrong.  And honestly, I was shocked and surprised.
I was talking to a friend who had had a motor vehicle accident last week and asked how he and his SUV were doing.  He told me the tale of the battle of the car insurances and body shops and who was doing what and when and why.  And then he mentioned that 2 attorneys had called inquiring about his injuries and if he was having any headaches, pains, etc.

My first thought was:  how did they get your name and number.  His answer surprised me: it’s a matter of public record when you are in an accident.

Excuse me here for a second.  I work in a medical office.  If I so much as leave a name, or account number, or a random birth date and someone sees it, I face thousands of dollars in fines AND jail time.

But the police can release accident reports that have the same information: name, birth date, address, phone numbers, what you drive, etc.  So my question is: do they verify that the people asking for the report have a right to that report?  I mean, can I call up and say: hey I want to see Ted Kennedy’s accident report??

All I can think of is with the increase of identity theft these days, can we really expect privacy?  Of all groups, I would expect police to protect my privacy.  Afterall, they will be part of the group to arrest me when I release the wrong thing to the wrong person.

And this falls into my other favorite topic—the government is forcing physicians to get electronic health records (EHR) or electronic medica records (EMR).  This means that not only is your personal information forced to be online, but your medical history is also available online.

If your information is hacked and released, your doctor and his staff would be liable for fines, penalties and an entire host of aggravation.  The government decided that a locked doctor’s office is not as secure as the World Wide Web where anyone with half brain cell could hack into your system and take your identity—even half way around the world.

The government has satellites floating around in space with enough technology to count the hairs on your head or track your pet ant running away from home.  Our cities and towns have cameras on stoplights, street corners, and various other places to watch our every move, legal or not.  All for our so-called security.  (Yet we have no plans to watch the borders for intruders.  And rules and regulations not to detain the ILLEGAL entry into our country).

I am losing all sense of security.  I feel like soon there will be cameras in every home to make sure we aren’t scratching our behinds or picking our noses.  Everyday I’m beginning to feel what those in 1917 Russia when they lost all of their rights.

We are forced to change the way we receive health care (did anyone ask you if you wanted your health record online??).  We are forced how we bank (if you didn’t know, banks have to report many transactions that in my humble opinion should not be anyone’s business).  They even record phone calls and check mail to see who we call, what we say, and who we get mail from.

Yes Big Government joined Big Brother and they are watching.  Now we need to find out who ‘they’ are.  And what do they do with all that information?  Is it secure?

And my biggest fear:  it won’t matter who is in the Oval Office.

Something to think about……..

New Product in my Life


Working for a physician today requires most personnel to be computer literate and have a few ounces of common sense.  And if you are the office manager, you just about need an IT degree to keep everything flowing and working correctly.

Using Electronic Health Records requires scanning capabilities…and so as the office manager, I finally was able to order a scanner for my office.

Oh what fun I’ve had scanning to patient charts!  And then I was shown how I could scan documents and other pages that I save to email–such as contracts, agreements, certificates, and other documents.

The problem became multi-page documents that scanned in as .tif or .jpg formats instead of the preferred .pdf format.  Searching for a program that could help me proved unfruitful until today!

Today I found a website that offered a simple, easy to use program that allows you to ‘build’ a .pdf document from .tif or .jpg formats that are already saved on your system or from scanning from your scanner.  This has changed everything!

The program is offers a free trial version and is just one of many products offered at a reasonable cost at:

I was ecstatic when the download was fast and easy; with a very user friendly interface that was simple to understand and use.  I was up and running in just minutes testing out previously scanned .tif formatted files and then scanning in new ones.  Simple, quick, and clean formatted documents.

I am excited that I finally have a program that I can finally use to save documents to my computer and not have to fill up my filing cabinet past overflowing.

So, if you are looking for an easy to use, quick to learn program (with video if you need it!!) then check out Affordable PDF and their products!

51 years…..25 years


Today I turned 51….and I have to say, so far so good.  I love being in my 50’s.  I have my AARP and my AAA.  I have a cardiologist, a rheumatologist, a family practice doctor, a gynecologist and probably need a dermatologist, an endocrinologist and a few more ologists i can’t afford.

I feel like I’m still in my 20-30’s and still love going and doing ….I just do them a little slower and with a few snaps, crackles, and pops like Rice Krispies.  I have a job and own a home, have 3 dogs that are like my kids and a boyfriend who is 28 years younger than myself.

I have a van and I have bills.  I have a life….boring as it may seem to others, I enjoy myself and my quiet little hobbies, such as writing on this blog, reading and playing cards or putting together puzzles.

And though I celebrate my birth and relish the fact that I have accomplished what I have and dream and wish for the future, I also take time to think of my dad.  On my 26th birthday, my father, my dad, my daddy passed onto his eternity.

And today marks his 25th birthday into Heaven.  I know he is up there taking care of things with my nephew and uncles, aunts, and grandparents.  I’m sure he looks down and smiles as we, His Girls, grow up and raise kids, work, and think of him….and I’m .  sure he frowns when we are sad or when we do things he wouldn’t approve of.

I miss him much…as the oldest he taught me all sorts of things that a father would normally teach a son.  I cherish those times and wonder ‘what if’ he hadn’t left so soon–what would I be learning from him now.

So Dad….know you are missed and loved.  And next year…we’ll see where I am and see what changes have come around.


Aunt RoseMary…..Aunt Mickey


My father had 2 brothers and 3 sisters–all older than him.  His oldest sister, Audrey, died in 1996 and I have shared my thoughts and love for her already.

This week, their sister RoseMary, aka Mickey, joined them in heaven.  The day after what would have been my father’s 74th birthday, Mickey had a heart attack that ended her life.

Even her name is special….RoseMary….not Rosemary nor Rose Mary….but RoseMary.  This was not unusual for a German family.  She had no middle name, but a very unique first name.

Her family nickname was Mickey, as she was born the same year as Mickey Mouse.  I remember when my father died, his brother Don came to me after he had read dad’s obituary.  He said to me, “You know that Aunt Mickey’s real name is RoseMary?”  I said, “Yes, but since we all grew up knowing her as Mickey, we decided to go with that.”  He just shook his head at me.

She was a wonder to me.  I didn’t know her like I knew her sister Audrey and like her sister Janet.  Mickey and I never exchanged letters on a monthly or even yearly basis.  If anything, an occasional phone call and the Christmas card were our main forms of communication.  And the family reunions where we could hug and talk and just spend time with each other.  So I am thankful that she was able to attend the last one in 2011.


She always amazed me.  She was the first person in our family to divorce her spouse…and that sent shock waves through the family.  I remember when it first happened, everyone tried to hush it up, as if not speaking about it would make it not so.  I talked to her daughter about it last year at the last reunion, where I learned what happened and how hurt Mickey was that her family seemed to ostracize her over it.  I told her, it didn’t matter what the reason was.  I knew Mickey and I knew that Mickey would not divorce over something silly or ridiculous.  I knew it had to be something serious.  And I told her daughter that I admired her mother for having the courage to get out of the situation.

I admired her for not only divorcing, but then at her age of over 40 to go back to school and earn a degree in social work so that she could support her 3 children and herself.  That was almost unheard of 40 years ago that someone would be an older student going to college, working, and supporting 3 children at home.  I know women today that wouldn’t do half of that much less be successful at it.

My biggest regret over my aunt, is that she was the only aunt I was not able to visit in her own home.  I still kick myself when I think about the year I tried to go up to see her, and was not able to.

In the past 2-3 years, Mickey survived breast cancer…and the treatments.  She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  And just 3 months ago, she had fallen, breaking her hip and clavicle.  She had just come home from rehabilitation when she had a heart attack and died later that night.

Mickey was devoted to her faith.  In many ways she surprised me in that regard.  She told me once of some Catholic traditions.  One was placing a statue of St Joseph upside down buried outside of your front door if you are trying to sell your house.  Another was having a Mass said in honor of someone 30 days after their death as a Month’s Mind.


She was admired and loved and she is missed.  Although I lived over 2000 miles away, I feel as though a piece of my life is missing.

Mickey….Rest in Peace….and may God eternal light shine upon you.

A little of this….a dash of that…..


There is so much going on these days….in the world, in the country and in my life.

I have nieces and nephews graduating from high school and college…and I am so proud of them for their achievements and hope  all the best for them as they go onto the next journey in their lives

And then we have the Democrats and Republicans heating up to do battle over the next 5 months for votes.  They are arguing and misconstruing thoughts and ideas, realities and perceptions.

The funniest one to me so far is the argument about which is more for women than the other.  The Democrats say that the Republicans want to keep us girls in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant is my guess.  And yet the Democrats don’t want to pay women equal pay for equal work.   Ironically—I would love to stay home and take care of things while my husband worked.  Oh wait….sighs.  I’m not married.  So pay me what I am worth, not 18-25% less.

And then we have earthquakes, tremors, and tornadoes all over.  It is more than apparent that the Bible’s Book of Revelation is being expressed in nature.  The earth is as a woman in labor….the pangs coming faster and more frequent.

Then I read a truth in a cartoon—-waterboardiing is illegal and bad bad bad, but killing unborn children is quite alright.  We have gotten our priorities way out of whack!!   I sometimes wonder if those that laugh at God now will laugh on Judgement Day.

The biggy idea I heard this week…..Obama Care is not a right.  A right is something that does not burden another.  And yet Obama Care forces doctors, hospitals and other healthcare professionals to treat people for a set fee.  That is not a right, that is a service that is given to another, regulated by people who do not know the patient, can’t see the patient, but decides who will get what medicines, what tests, and what treatments.   It is not right.  It is not fair.  It is a travesty of our healthcare system.

And who is to say what is fair?  I don’t think it’s fair that our President and/or his family takes more vacations than those that work for a living day in and day out to support this country.  I don’t think it’s fair that while bad-mouthing those that built their fortunes are being demonized by the same idiots that are giving CEO’s of bankrupt companies millions of our taxpayer dollars in bonuses .

And is it fair that our taxpayer dollars are being given away to company after company for services and products that very few can afford and fewer want?

I am tired of a President that allows his Muslim brothers to run our country’s foreign policies.  He stated in his books that he would always stand by his Muslim brothers.  He also expressed his contempt for his white mother.  And his actions and policies here at home and abroad have proved that over and over.  But we can’t call him a racist….because only whites can be racist.

Anyhow….I just wanted to express a few thoughts and ideas that are in my world.

Have a great day!  and God bless our troops!!


Storage Rooms and Closets vs Vacation


It’s that time of year when the boss flies off to go skiing amidst gaining CME’s for her license and we, the workers, get a week off over spring break.  And so great ideas abounded before and some actually happened.

Monday:  I opened the storage room door.  I closed it.  I just couldn’t…not now. Let’s do laundry and dishes.  Yes, that’s much easier.

Tuesday:  OK, can’t wait any longer, I opened the storage room door again.  Grabbed a couple boxes and started going through them.  I smiled. I laughed.  I shook my head.  And at times, held back a tear.  Those boxes held the memories of my life spanning a good 20 years. I started saving tidbits and things when I was about 14-15 and in high school, thinking that someday I would pass things on to my daughter or son.  But here I am at 50 with no children and no hopes of anyone to pass them on to.

There were letters and do-dads, and fun and sadness.  But most of all, I found bits and pieces of me from long ago.  I found ticket stubs from games gone by and ribbons from flowers and gifts long received.  I found my Sierra’s rabies dog tags from all of her life.  I found letters and cards from birthdays and holidays long ago sent by friends and family. I found letters from the many many prisoners I used to write and visit.  I found newspapers and clippings of stories and comics that were sent to me from places I used to live.  I found memories and thoughts of a me that has changed and moved on. I relocated key chains and baubles, wedding invitations and bubbles, funeral programs and prayer cards.

And a few hours later I had a handful of things to keep and full boxes of things that could be let go.  I realized that I had carried these memories in paper and glass and plastic and metal form for years.  I have moved many many times over the last 30 years and each time I carried some of these things with me.  Filing memories in a box that never got reopened unless it was in the hopes of finding a picture.  By storage room is a mess of things that I will never look at again and no longer need.

I tried to think of why I saved these things anyhow.  Was it to make me feel as though I mattered to someone at some point in my life?  Or perhaps that I just didn’t want to let go of the past?  Or could it be that right now, I am loved by a wonderful man and no longer need these things?  Or could it be something as mundane as I have no more room to put things and something must go?  Perhaps a bit of all of the above.

I am also in the process of creating my family tree.  And I see how important some pictures and papers and certificates can be.  So I did try to find as much as I could that could help in that…and then perhaps those will find their way to the garbage can as well (after being digitally preserved, of course).

It  was a tad hard to really give up all of the tangible evidence of my existence in those boxes, but in another way it was refreshing.  Like scabs being removed…it hurts, but then healing can begin.

So have you looked in your closets and storage areas lately?  What will you find?  A bit of yourself? Perhaps.  Or perhaps you’ll find a life well lived and well cherished.  You might even find old friends and long ago loves.  I did.

Where did I come from? Who did I come from?


The age old question of children:  “Where did I come from? ”  It’s our nature to what to know where we came from.  I think that is for many reasons.  Knowing where we came from explains our present and can guide our futures.  And in answering that question of where, we grow up wanting to know more about the ‘who’ behind that where.

We come from our parents, obviously.  We are the genetic makeup of our parents and their parents and so forth and so on back to Adam and Eve.   Of course, after Noah and the Great Flood, I guess we should say back to Noah and his family.

And then Abraham had Israel and Ishmael.  Ishmael being the son of Abraham’s wife’s servant Hannah was sent away and so the Arab world can trace its roots back to  him.  Israel was the father of the Jewish world which begat the Christian world, since Jesus was Jewish and the Christ whose followers are Christians.

And as these cultures spread throughout the world, they propagated and created countries and traditions and cultures that are handed down generation to generation.

I said all of that to say this:  I have been working on my family tree.  I have always been interested in my family members and who went where and who did what.  I loved listening to my paternal grandmother explaining what her sisters did and what her father built.  Or listening to my mother talk of her family’s farm.

We go to school and learn history and then as we get older to understand that our aunts, uncles, etc were in that war or were a part of that piece of history.

And then in the late 1970’s, Alex Haley wrote a book which became the first TV mini-series: Roots.  He had traced his family history back and then sparked an interest in the hearts of millions by sharing his story, his history, with the world.   One of those hearts that got sparked was my Aunt Janet.   She organized our family’s first reunion in the early 1980’s.  Her mother, my paternal grandmother, had died in 1980 and it was obvious that the family was beginning to lose touch with each other.  And so for years we met once a year to catch up with one another, share stories, embrace the new family members and remember those that had left us.

This is when my heart got sparked to start working on the family tree…in my own little way.  I did it all my hand and only concerned myself with my dad’s family from his parents down.  And our family has grown since those days.

Fast forward to March 2011 when my boyfriend gifted me with Family Tree Maker*.  Ok, this is NOT an ad for the program so don’t think that I’m trying to sell anything.  I mention it for one thing: it helped me organize my tree in a more consistent manner and it came with a 1 month subscription to*.   And that is when my spark became a flame that became a wildfire.  I had to have a subscription!  And no I’m not selling either.  But I will say it made this couch potato’s love of history come to life as I was able to find my family roots back to the arrival into the United States.  (I have my hands full enough with just this section of my family history–maybe one day I’ll try to trace the German and French and other foreign language records.)  But I do encourage you to find a way to organize your notes and papers.  And there are many many websites to help you along your journey…many of which are free.

I have enjoyed exploring not only my roots, but the roots of all those that are or have been a part of the family.  I have learned of family that registered or were drafted into World War I, World War II, and the Korean War.  There are members that only served in peace time, and those that are currently serving.  And although my direct roots did not come to America until the 1870-1880’s,  I found some Confederate States of America soldiers.

My father’s family came to this country from Germany  and landed in Baltimore on their way to St Louis, Missouri.   My mother’s family came from Germany and entered through the port of New Orleans on their way to Illinois.   Dad’s family were laborers.  Mom’s family were farmers.

Dad’s family stayed in and around St Louis, except for the women who followed their husbands to new homes out of state.  Mom’s family moved to Mississippi and Arkansas for farms.

And through this entire journey over the last year, I have come to understand a bit more about myself.  I come from strong German families that labored in factories and labored in the fields.  One side lived in the city and the other side in rural areas.   Although German, diversity came together in my parents.  Mom was raised in the South with its traditions and social differences.  Dad was raised in the North with its own identity.   Even their Catholicism was different.  I like to think that I have the best of both worlds.

Our family grew and spread throughout the United States and the next generation is carrying that on.  Each of us bringing the traditions and cultures we have learned with us, whether we realize it or not.   Our parents influence our speech, our walk, our values, our morals–we can’t escape it.  We might not agree, but their influence still affected us.

We each have a history inside of us.  And as we live our lives, and co-exist with the previous and future generations, we share that history with their history.   All I know is that I understand more about who I am, who I came from and where I want to go.

So if you are searching for who you are–try looking into your tree.  You just might be surprised.


* Family Tree Maker and are from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in Provo, Utah.