Tag Archives: life

the Breakup +1 year


It’s been over a year now.  Holidays, days off and all the days of doing fun things as a couple are over.  

We still seem to do things…but it’s more like friends.  Which is still good…or at least it was until about 2 months ago.  He called to let me know a friend of his from the online game we used to play was in town and would be coming over.  Of course friend of his turned out to be actually new girlfriend.

Wendy is married to an older man and they have 6 kids.  yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah.  whatever.  She talked like a crazy person and all I could think of was, “wow, it’s true!  they say every man looks for his mom in a partner and he found her!”  I mean seriously, I’m not a big catch but I don’t cheat ….unlike these 2.  Perhaps they are made for each other!  

Things really  hadn’t changed until she entered his life.  And maybe it’s a good thing.  He took OUR car and disappeared for a day to go visit her in Oklahoma.  I wasn’t mad he went…i was mad he didn’t tell me he was taking the car,  That left me stranded.  And that’s when I decided he had to go.  I told him he had to move out.  He argued that I couldn’t kick him out of MY house.  He told me I couldn’t change the locks.  He told me bullshit!

I saw a lawyer and made a plan.  He can pay me to stay in the house, or he can leave.  He can sign a note that he promises to pay me the $14.500 he owes me for the credit cards and the car.  

Yes the car.  We owed $5000 on it and he decided that I had to get his name off of it.  Meanwhile, he went out and bought a brand new car.  He opened up a bank account somewhere else.  He decided that he owed me nothing.

So I ended up getting a newer (used) car and had to roll the OUR car’s payoff into my loan.  Thank God for letting me be able to get a vehicle with almost identical payments so it doesn’t kill my budget.

 I love him, but he is killing me.  So he has to go.  I love having him around.  I love him for taking care of my electronics.  But hi am tired of the bullshit.  I’m tired of the taking me for granted and thinking he owes me nothing.

He says he’ll pay me once he gets settled.  He is paying me weekly to stay here.  But nothing on the debt.  

And I am starting to take my life back.  I am slowly starting to go places alone again.  I’m rethinking my house and what I like and don’t like.  I am trying to enjoy my life again.

I’m working and reworking a budget I can live by and pay off things.  I’m trying to use cash more and not use credit cards at all.  

It saddens me that Bill joins the list of those that I used to love.  And to think all I wanted was for him to marry me.  So I think it worked out for the best.  I need someone who can commit and be loyal to our relationship–and he’s not able to do either.  I am free.  Free to live my life.  

And by the grace of God and the strength He gives me…I know I’ll make it.  I’ll have my tears and fears, but they will turn to joy and confidence.  


LIFE, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness


3 little words….and yet so hard to attain. Our forefathers who escaped from the “Old World” to the “New World” for religious freedom, forged an idea of a country where freedom and liberty where ideals to be given to every one. They valued people’s thoughts, ideas, and that American spirit of ingenuity and drive to succeed. Since our very inception we have strove to show the world that democracy and the common person could change not only a country, but the world.

We are currently seeming to go through an identity crisis. Instead of showing the world what we could be, we are trying so hard to become what the rest of the world is. We have let the rest of the world convince us that their way is best in some matters. We are letting ourselves be persuaded into ideas and taunted with influences that we escaped from over 200 years ago,

And why do I mention it today, January 23, 2012? Because it is the 39th anniversary of one of the most controversial, most divisive, most influential piece of history of our country: the Roe v Wade case in the Supreme Court. And what goes to the core of the basic tenets of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness than this one single court decision.

Being raised as a human and not a pig or a tree, and having taken biology in school, and deciding that I could think and decide for myself, I have decided that I am a human being that came from other human beings. I don’t care what the popular thinking of the day may be, I will believe that God created me in His own image. That He formed me in my mother’s womb.

Popular thinking, or should I say rationalization, would have us thinking that we were just a bunch of cells or a tumor that suddenly became human when we took that first breath. I am a bunch of cells, knitted together by God’s own hand to form me, the person, the human, the Child of God that I am.

Last year I reposted a status on my Facebook page that sparked a debate between someone who had befriended me that was like minded and my boss, a doctor whom I thought was also Pro-Life. She, I now know, is a modern thinker who believes that we are all just a mass of tissue that is waste. Meanwhile she threatened my job via text messages demanding that I delete the post or comment agreeing with her. I deleted it…I just don’t like people arguing on my page. And neither of them was respecting me. It does bother me that I work for someone who would threaten my job over a personal belief that life begins at conception. But I keep my views on that out of the office and let her be the doctor. (Although it sometimes makes me wonder how she can fight for the life of a patient while denying it to others.)

Today is a day to thank Moms, Mothers, Grams, and Nanas that gave birth to us. For whatever reason, they had the courage to carry us in their wombs and give us life so that we could fight for liberty with others and enjoy the pursuit of happiness.

I cannot answer for those that have chosen to purposely, decisively, and consciously abort a child, but I do have to answer for me. I could not and would not be able to do it. God does not make mistakes. People do. And this is one mistake that shows the selfish nature of mankind. If it’s not a baby, and is just a tumor….then how come other women prepare for this tumor to arrive? If it is just a mass of tissues, then how come we can somewhat accurately predict when it will be come to term and be born? If it is just a mass, why do we plan and pray and hope for a child? I don’t know one brain cancer patient that knows that in approximately 9 months they will have a bouncing baby boy that has their grandmother’s eyes or grandpa’s hands.

I can’t make someone not decide to do something, all I can do is express my thoughts, my reasons, and hope that they listen and heed my words. I will not force them. I will not hate them. But I will pray for them. I will pray that they decide to do as their mother did and carry this entrusted human being to the time of birth. Then decide what is best for the child…to keep him or her, or to give the child to a family that yearns to have one. And trust me, that family is not waiting for a tree or a pig either. They are awaiting a child.

In many cultures, the birth of a child is a cause of celebration. In Native American cultures, the child is presented at the next dawn so that the day can greet him or her. In Chinese culture, children are given their first birthday party at 3 months because of their belief in life at conception. In other cultures, children are greeted and feted because they are the future of their family, their clan, their region, their country, their world.

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court decided that a woman had the choice to end that future. Since that time, laws and regulations have been put forth that have divided families and faiths over the decision of their members. We now see fewer workers having to pay for Social Security costs. We have fewer voters. We have fewer leaders.

Since that time, human life has been devalued. We think nothing of in vitro fertilization where the “extras” are flushed down the toilet. We think nothing of euthanasia. Assisted suicide is fought in the courts and triumphant yells are heard when someone is allowed to kill themselves. We as a country lost our conscience that day.

Pro-Abortionists celebrate today as a day women won the right to do what they wanted to their bodies. They celebrate that now they can have their careers and their lives back without a nuisance of children. They celebrate their selfishness. They forget that not all women are not heartless. They forget that some of those women and girls regret their decision and have problems going on in life.

But then we live in a world where the death penalty is also celebrated by those same people. Their “we are educated and you are not” attitude lets them think that they are better than the common man and can stop common man from killing while they kill the common man for his mistakes.

And now we have Obamacare or PPACA….the first ones to cry out separation of church and state are the first ones to force demand religious institutions to go against their beliefs, their tenets, their faith and demand that they allow abortions. We as a nation are losing our Life, our Liberty, and our pursuit of Happiness. We allow our officials to vote our very freedoms out of our existence. We are becoming the socialized community that Europe is. We are becoming the communistic country we didn’t want in the 1950’s. We are letting the government and its many branches decide what is right and wrong instead of making those decisions for ourselves. (http://patriotupdate.com/17466/obama-orders-free-birth-control-for-all)

We must repeal PPACA. We must choose life. For if we choose death, then we have let the future down.