Tag Archives: moving on

the Breakup +1 year

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It’s been over a year now.  Holidays, days off and all the days of doing fun things as a couple are over.  

We still seem to do things…but it’s more like friends.  Which is still good…or at least it was until about 2 months ago.  He called to let me know a friend of his from the online game we used to play was in town and would be coming over.  Of course friend of his turned out to be actually new girlfriend.

Wendy is married to an older man and they have 6 kids.  yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah.  whatever.  She talked like a crazy person and all I could think of was, “wow, it’s true!  they say every man looks for his mom in a partner and he found her!”  I mean seriously, I’m not a big catch but I don’t cheat ….unlike these 2.  Perhaps they are made for each other!  

Things really  hadn’t changed until she entered his life.  And maybe it’s a good thing.  He took OUR car and disappeared for a day to go visit her in Oklahoma.  I wasn’t mad he went…i was mad he didn’t tell me he was taking the car,  That left me stranded.  And that’s when I decided he had to go.  I told him he had to move out.  He argued that I couldn’t kick him out of MY house.  He told me I couldn’t change the locks.  He told me bullshit!

I saw a lawyer and made a plan.  He can pay me to stay in the house, or he can leave.  He can sign a note that he promises to pay me the $14.500 he owes me for the credit cards and the car.  

Yes the car.  We owed $5000 on it and he decided that I had to get his name off of it.  Meanwhile, he went out and bought a brand new car.  He opened up a bank account somewhere else.  He decided that he owed me nothing.

So I ended up getting a newer (used) car and had to roll the OUR car’s payoff into my loan.  Thank God for letting me be able to get a vehicle with almost identical payments so it doesn’t kill my budget.

 I love him, but he is killing me.  So he has to go.  I love having him around.  I love him for taking care of my electronics.  But hi am tired of the bullshit.  I’m tired of the taking me for granted and thinking he owes me nothing.

He says he’ll pay me once he gets settled.  He is paying me weekly to stay here.  But nothing on the debt.  

And I am starting to take my life back.  I am slowly starting to go places alone again.  I’m rethinking my house and what I like and don’t like.  I am trying to enjoy my life again.

I’m working and reworking a budget I can live by and pay off things.  I’m trying to use cash more and not use credit cards at all.  

It saddens me that Bill joins the list of those that I used to love.  And to think all I wanted was for him to marry me.  So I think it worked out for the best.  I need someone who can commit and be loyal to our relationship–and he’s not able to do either.  I am free.  Free to live my life.  

And by the grace of God and the strength He gives me…I know I’ll make it.  I’ll have my tears and fears, but they will turn to joy and confidence.  

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And so—-

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For the last 3 years I have enjoyed a wonderful man. We’ve laughed and cried, argued and loved, given and taken, gone through sickness and health. And then on May 10th, he informed me that I should move on, find someone who would marry me and be the man of my dreams because it wasn’t going to be him.

Needless to say, my heart is broken. I’m lost. I thought I had found “the One”….but I think back and realize there were so many signs. I remember sitting on the couch and telling him I knew I wasn’t his true love and never would be.
in my guest bedroom. We haven’t told anyone. We still do things together, like shopping and such. He is sudde
And so now I feel like the fool. I’m letting him continue to live here, nly doing things I asked him to do long ago.

And now I’m 52 and once again alone. Rebuilding. Trying to figure out who I am once again.

Or maybe I just need to be alone.

3 years….1 co-owned car since he rather destroyed mine. 5 bank accounts shared with him. Credit cards. All of these things need to be untangled. Settled. Divided.

I’m not happy…but of course he is. He has already moved on. And I’m sure he had started long before he told me. Was it really wrong of me to tell him he had 3 weeks (his 3 year anniversary of being here–with me) to decide marriage or leave?

As the song says—if you don’t know me by now, you will never ever know me…..

So now what? I have my master bedroom back. I have my dogs to keep me company—oh yes, and the one he adopted. Somehow that poor thing doesn’t get taken care of by him. But then again, I’m still taking him to work–mainly because I need him working to pay his share of the bills. And I wake him up. Maybe I’m just a mom type to him.

Oh well….that’s essentially the latest in my sorry life. I’m just better off alone I think. It was fun while it lasted.